Quiet-Wolf

Holy the pig

2010-10-16T10:55:00.001-07:00

Has anyone noticed that both

Heaven

And

Hell

Begin with

He, not She

Howard [Hank] Holton has or had a big big pig [hog], {Holy}

Holy had giant balls

Ask’d why, Holy said sows dig big balls

1 day Hank thought to unload da big pig Holy, that of giant balls

Holy ask’d why

Taking a long train trip San Francisco said Hank

I could go with you said Holy

No hogs on trains said Hank

Holy said oh Boo Hoo, Christians but not hogs with big balls

What now?

On day two Hank said “Holy, train trip to San Francisco is off”

How come said Holy

This story must have 100 words

100 words without “~” is tough

Thank God said Holy

Ghost riders in the sky

2010-10-12T08:27:00.001-07:00

I can't put it more eloquently than

==>>http://www.plinky.com/answers/111628

We all need something to believe in

Whilst waiting for the end

Few of us know why the sky is there

Even fewer know where we are

And

Those that do

1% know whom they are

So

If you can, enjoy your heart beats

It's been said

We all need something to believe in

It's 8:23 a.m.

I believe I'll have a beer

Wishing your life away

2010-10-07T13:01:00.001-07:00

No one

We all live and die

We all makes mistakes

Some of us pay the consequences

Some of us don't

But

Wishing it were tomorrow

For

Whatever reason, is wishing your life away

Wishing or wanting the life

or

The attributes of another's life

Is

Wishing your life away

Every good or bad possession

or

Good or bad experience

Has been

The reward for being me

A space case Voyage

2010-10-05T08:08:00.001-07:00

Absotiveley Posolutely

90% of my life has been spent swimming about inside of my head

A trip to the moon would be perfect for a space case such as I

Ummmmm

....Would this be round trip?

First class or coach?

Will there be flight attendants, in flight meals, cocktails?

Will there be security at the gate?

For some unknown reason, I always mouth off to those people....

Besides, ya did say FREE, Dintcha?

A Swiss Miss Childhood

2010-10-04T10:13:00.001-07:00

Well now Mr/Ms Curious Plinky person...

Which of my childhoods are we referring to?

The

1940s

1950s

1960s

1970s

or

The 2-ought, ought, oughts

Is it any of your bizzness

Do you really care

Are you living vicariously through my Spierence?

How come there is never a human face associated wiff any these teases

Not prompts

Teases

Hell I'm already starting to miss the minutes it took to write this smartypants response

Make up for it as an adult

Hmmmm

Rob a bank

Steal a horse

Go fishin

Get laid

Don't tell nobody I ain't got nothin to do

What's wrong with this guy?

2010-10-03T11:39:00.001-07:00

I have this shithead neighbor

Claims to be half-breed

Says he likes Quiet

Well why in the hell did he move to the mountains?

I have horses

I have a tin barn

The horses have nothing to gnaw on so they rebel and squeal and kick the barn all hours

I have a fat, stupid, ugly, worthless wife

She has a couple of pit bulls

She likes to takem in the yard and play that she is a 3 year old with a puppy

Noisy as hell, but what the fuck…

I have a Kubota backhoe that I like to play with when I come home

It’s diesel

Makes noise, I like it

I like to go on his property and cut stuff, I’ve cut everything on mine, so his is all that’s left

What’s wrong with that?

Now this dumb-ass half-breed blanket ass neighbor wants me to quiet down and stay offa his place

Or

He’s gonna put an arrow dipped in rotted liver in me

Says it’s Indin poison…

What in the hell’s wrong with this guy?

I ask ya…

Impressive Y2K Scar

2010-10-02T11:23:00.001-07:00

Bottom line

I can do what I call guitar playing

Most recent

The sad part of this story is I was sober

New years eve 1999

Waiting to take part in the festivities my wife and her sidekick had planned

Y’know dinner, rock n roll, dancing, listening to half-wits shoot guns in the air

I’d just bought a bed liner for my pick-up

The line had slots to insert 2x4, 6, 12, whatever to divide the bed

Pulled the truck around back by my work bench

Got out a 2x12

Got out a 25’ tape

Measured the required slot’s width

Got out a “Skill” worm drive saw

Started the cut

As the two pieces started to part…

For some reason I chose to grab for the falling part, not jump out of harms way…

In an instant the saw fell across my left fore arm opening a jagged 4’ slot in the arm

Cutting veins, arteries, nerves

Id disobeyed all the rules given me by my 12th grade shop teacher, Mr. Borchers as in

While operating dangerous machines

Never wear long sleeves

Never work above your belly-button

Never let the “butt” part be more than one foot in length, without a support under it

Never try to save anything, let it fall

Yelled to my wife, “Honey I need a red towel, and we need to go to the ER”

Stupid ER guy nurse, but “GREAT, GREAT, GREAT ER surgeon”

Went to dinner

Went dancing [for a while]

Listened to fools shoot guns at 2000

Plinky

2010-09-29T08:35:00.001-07:00

There's a chance

I'm not the only one

No mater

How Ya DOIT

When Ya DOIT

Where Ya DOIT

Why Ya DOIT

What Ya DOIT

How long Ya DOIT

DOOIT

DOOIT

DOOIT

DOOIT

Sounds like an old style oil can, right?

If My Life Was a Movie

2010-09-27T07:47:00.001-07:00

My wife doesn't think this movie is funny at all

The life of a well intended bumbler

However mine isn't very funny

Like Naven, I've invented stuff others took and made money on

But

I didn't think of them as inventions

Rather

Things I needed on a daily/weekly basis

Oops, gone off message

Charity begins at home

2010-09-26T07:19:00.001-07:00

YA HAD TA ASK DINTCHA

WTF

Ah yes, yes, yes

The not so classic duel between retired Pittsburgh Pirates players

And

The original Teenage Ninja Turtles

For Charity

The Pirates are all drunk

And

The Turtles are over weight and diabetic

The real charity here is that anyone came out to see the game

Plus

They couldn’t even get a real ball field for the game

As

In past years the game has turned into a fistfight

Peppered with kicking and tripping

And

Missed shots with throwing stars

It’s raining

The field has gone muddy

Whose idea was this anyhow?

Looks like the work of Carl Rove

And

“W”

Fast Food

2010-09-25T07:08:00.001-07:00

Well, just tother day I was sittin out on the veranda.

Bored stiff, feelin low.

That jug of Arkansas whiskey I’d been nursing was down to bout half a quart.

Thought What next.

Just about then a feeling of meanness came sliding into my soul.

Thought to myself, self, you and I oughta

Slide down to Texas

Open us a manatee fast food stand accrost the street from one of those high school football stadiums.

Come Friday nights game…

People lookin over the shoulder of those in front em

With a sack Manatee Mole Samiches n Crisped armadillo shell will

Just be the envy of the stadium.

Humanity, inhumanity, what is it

2010-09-24T13:57:00.001-07:00

DOES IT EXIST

Death by Stoning

I’m not certain that this is a cliché

But

I’m in the studio rehearsing

I’m outside doing pre-winter fix-up

Through all of this I put on 4 DVDs

Making of…

Dark side of the moon

Wish you were here

Animals

The wall

As I walked through the living room, I saw this scene

Men in helmets, shields, flack vests, and wielding clubs rushing in lock step towards some imagined adversary

And

The question entered my head

Are humans capable of being humane…

We have millions of devices

But

Have we left the jungle?

All religions claim love

But

Endorse every form of brutality to everything that exists…

The only Cliché that comes to mind

2010-09-24T11:11:00.001-07:00

If it won't go, chrome it.

An old drag racing axiom

However it seems to apply most of modern life

Guys: Get a Justin Bibber hairdo, or get an iPhone or iAnything, or a phast Car, something flashy, something trashy, something ya saw in a movie...

Don't improve yourself, dazzle em with bullshit.

Do a line and grab you junk

Girls: If ya can't perform get a tit job or something flashy, something trashy, something ya saw on TV

Do a line and follow with a couple of well placed pelvic thrusts

Marking time(Safe) Versus Living(Sorry?)

2010-09-23T07:53:00.001-07:00

That moment hasn't come yet

If it were a part of my psyche or overall makeup

I wouldn't have

Spent 5 1/2 years of my 69 in plaster

Nor

Awakened 3 times to discover that it was a week or so later

always a trip

There is definitely something missing from my upbringing

But this answer is very good

http://www.plinky.com/answers/109502

Aint No Weird Foods

2010-09-22T09:24:00.001-07:00

What's with the photo with every prompt?

Is that for people that can't read or write?

There are no weird foods

Only

People with weird food attitudes

Anything you can digest

Is

In keeping with our ancestors

Da monkeys

Songs that sooth my being

2010-09-21T08:56:00.001-07:00

Three of maybe a hundred that I play sparingly

To be certain that I don't ever tire of them

Wish you were here by Pink Floyd

Million Miles Away by Rory Gallagher

Comfortably numb by Pink Floyd

Mr. Dirt

2010-09-19T11:36:00.001-07:00

Ron Hughes [Mr Dirt]

My cousin

My mentor

My hero

5’ 7”

Tall enough to be distinguished from dwarves

Short enough to be looked down on

Ron wasn’t that physically dirty, but he just grew up treating people like dirt

Tellin old ladies it was ok to cross in the middle of the block,”I’ve got you back”

Takin money out of the plate in church by putting gum on his little finger

And distracting attention with, “Look, bats in the ceiling”

Ron did have his good side, he’d share his ill gotten gains with me.

Some times he’d fill a can with the weed killer round up

Take a water color brush and walk around painting leaves on rose bushes as he passed, sometimes squirting lighter fluid on em, lighting em and watch people try to put it out

Ol ron he’d take wheel chair bound folks for walks, set one brake and set em spinning

Tie the tails of two cats together and sling em over a clothes line

Almost never bathed, but was a snappy dresser

Did need some dental work

And

A hair cut

But don’t we all

Ol Ron he's a hoot

Sci-fi Guy

2010-09-18T13:49:00.001-07:00

Image, whatta ya mean image

We

Don't gotta show you no stinkin image

Sci-Fi Guy:

Con Stan

From the Galaxy Tinople

Heard that there was water on earth

Now, ol Con been lookin for that water for 4.5 billion years

Bein as how it had been pilfered from planet #45

The theft goes back 4.459 billion years

Con, he’s been busy

Not that busy though

He’s been collecting concubines, here n there

Count em [45,000]

Now there’s a stable to support

Hasn’t been all sex, drugs, n rock and roll

He also has to prepare the {water found} report to the big guy

The big guy, namely “W

Well Con has to report the sad news that the water now contains raw oil and bits of plastic

Unbeknownst to him, W has a taste for raw oil, and can tolerate plastic shards..

……………………….

Pictures at 11

Brains or Beauty?

2010-09-17T10:40:00.001-07:00

Sex or Suzuki

Yeh, but

What is beauty?

What is intelligence?

Every decade redefines both

Some people think of Einstein as being super intelligent

However

They don’t know what he is lauded for nor have any understanding of his accomplishments

Some people read poetry and assign inner beauty to the poet

Is He/She?

Physical beauty and true intelligence don’t necessarily have to be mutually exclusive

We assign “brainy”, to the some of the biggest fools

We assign “beauty” to some of the worst personalities

Never been good lookin

Never been overly intelligent

Never been able to change either

You is or you isn’t

Don’t you have some yard work to do?

A Book I'd Be

2010-09-16T12:38:00.001-07:00

Might as well be the dictionary

I have a personality flaw...

Thus......

By the time I've finished a book

I've brought forth a dislike for every one in it

Go figure...

Sociopath?

On second thought…

2010-09-15T11:56:00.001-07:00

Seems I've already done it

Mr slow thinker

This is by no means a whine

My life has been a road trip

By the time I was 15, I’d lived in 11 or 12 houses/hotels/apartment/other

6 years in the navy destroyers/sea going tugs/destroyer tender/hospital ship

The ensuing years, had 51 jobs, fired 45 times{never knew when to shut my mouth}

2 years on the road rodeoin{not good at it, but what else did I know that was good for bucks}

8 years on the road racing in 36 of the 50, Cancun Mexico, Thunder Bay Ontario

The rest of the time {mechanicing/welder fitter/farm labor/Software engineer} Spent where they paid the most.

Wives don’t like them sort of shenanigans, tend to find another life, another partner

Just for fun and mental health, put 145k on a 1975 750 Honda

Never thought of it before

But

My life has been a road trip

Our Epic Road Trip

2010-09-15T07:30:00.001-07:00

I'm with

John Bulmer

http://www.plinky.com/answers/108520

But I'm riding in the back

And

In charge of libation and procuring

We will be coming home, won't we John?

Heart Versus Head

2010-09-14T16:05:00.001-07:00

I'm just sitting here between practice sessions

And

It came to me

I'm a guy

Which head?????????

Depends

2010-09-14T10:19:00.001-07:00

, and he's not talkin diapers

It's locational

I had an uncle Charlie

By the time I was 9, he'd given me enough guides to life to fill a book

When I've taken time to be logical, they worked

However:

He dint tell me nuffin bouts love

Probably knew what a mine field that can be

n

Took me fishin instead

Me Been a fool fer love alla me life

Oh Boohoo

No matter how ya make decisions, ya end up dead

Them adventures where the roller-coaster jumps the track are the best

There is nothing like a plaster cast or attempted suicide to clear the sinuses

Stay tuned

Pictures at 11

People Renamed me daily

2010-09-13T08:04:00.001-07:00

As a chubby little kid I took a lot of abuse for my first and last

But hey

What's new with cruelty from children

As an adult I've been renamed several times by people that at various times Liked, loathed, loved and or just plain wanted me dead.

some

Hey fuck head

Get out of here asshole

Honey could we go to the shore this summer

What's new beat-off

Are you really Thai-stick Thom

Hey motorman, what's shakin

Dad

[The kid's favorite] Mr. fuckin know it all

[My wife's favorite] Mr. Dirt

child-mind

air-head

lost-boy

The Legs-Crossed Lovers

2010-09-12T09:30:00.001-07:00

Oh Fernando

Oh Fernando

[pause]

Don't touch me there

Fernando looks over his shoulder at his waiting black steed

Ok, I won't

Maybe I'll take the Ferrari this time

See ya

Hysterically Speaking

2010-09-11T11:43:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time;

And

This is all true

However the clothing has been changed to give the reader the notion of great personal hygiene

There was a big continent which we call Pangea

Unfortunately that continent split in half

Time went by and the plants came

Time went by and people that eventually had dark skin came

A lot more time went by and Vikings came [without Bret Favre]

A lot more time went by

And

Germans, English, French, Italians, Spanish, Dutch, Polish, Latvians

And

Norsemen came

They turned out to be greedy, dirty, ill mannered, and disease ridden

Didn’t turn out so good for the dark skinned folk

That was that

If you want any more, you’ll have to sing it yourself

Chinese Saint Patricks Day Feast

2010-09-10T08:28:00.001-07:00

Bok Choy
Cut the entire plant, stalks and leaves into bite size pieces

Rinse and chill for 3 hours

1 corned beef
simmer in water enough to cover with the packet in a tea ball, three hours.

remove from water and let come to room temp

Dynasty Chinese Duck sauce
Open the bottle

pour into a bowl

refill the bottle with corned beef liquid

cover, shake and add to duck sauce in bowl

Girard's Chinese chicken salad dressing
Shake and open bottle

Chow mein noodles
Dice the corned beef into bite size pieces

Heat wok with vegetable oil over high heat

Add corned beef

Just heat it

Pour duck sauce over it and bring all to a boil, reduce flame to half

Reduce mix for 3-4 minutes

Heap each plate with chilled bok choy

Ladle sauce and corned beef over it

Drizzle salad dressing liberally over it

Top with chow mein noodles

Serve

A Book Every Parent Should Read With their Child

2010-09-09T08:09:00.001-07:00

Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty.

The obedient must be slaves.

Any or all Thoreau

Because Thoreau was a man with few if any illusions

We tend raise our children with way too many illusions and nonsense

Déjà Vu and Yogi Berra

2010-09-08T09:20:00.001-07:00

A match made in heaven

Yogi Berra and Whitey Ford, Spring Training, Tampa Bay, FL 2001

Yes, it happened again

A prompt to which I have little

Or

No connection

My Country, It's Like yours

2010-09-06T12:45:00.001-07:00

Reply from a Mandan person

My creator put me here

But

I’ve never been anywhere

Even the most poorly lit bar that wasn’t beautiful in it’s own way

My country is like yours

Trees n rocks n wind n rain or lack thereof

The people here are like yours

We all eat, drink, piss, shit, procreate, sleep and die

We are all mostly mistaken about 98% of everything

Some of us are better mannered than others

Most of us aren’t stupid, just too lazy to think for ourselves

Just like your place, some of us have a major screw loose

The earth neither loves some of us, as in your place of birth

Some of us don’t love, understand, nor care about the earth, as in your place of birth

Alas

Some of the participants are human animals just as you and I

Monkeys with or without drivers licenses

This Morning So Far away

2010-09-04T10:25:00.001-07:00

Dahlia in my garden

Thorn's wife walked up behind him and said

{

You haven't done any of the stuff you were supposed to yet

What are you doing?

Plinky, what in the heck is plinky?

A blog, I thought you didn't do blogs...

Are you trying to meet women?

I swear Thorn, your brain is turning to mush...

Turn that computer of and get outside

Winter is coming and you have 25 things to do...

Start with the green house, then the dahlias

}

Thorn slumped

pulled the bottle of scotch[single malt] from under the desk

Took a shot

And

Turned the computer off

TaTa plinky

Seems someone was trying to hustle me

2010-09-03T10:36:00.001-07:00

This might qualify

Do you take Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?

A So-so Line

2010-09-02T08:14:00.001-07:00

I never had one

But

I raced for 20 years

And

Had some sorta bike

Motocross near Tankersley

Could you take me for a ride?

All four wives

Worked on me

A nice place

2010-09-01T09:29:00.001-07:00

The Barstow CA Dump

It's high, high above the valley

I know it's the dump

Pfftt

But

The view is incredible

And

It was at a time in my life

When

I was more in love than ever before or ever since

Everything in life and on earth was great

Everything in life and on earth was grand

Everything in life and on earth was beautiful

Sheesh

Damn good question

2010-08-31T10:06:00.001-07:00

I don't really have any
Why?

I don't know

Poor parenting

Ask my wife

Come to think of it
I can find the stinkiest darkest dirtiest bar in any town in less than ten minutes

Without fail

The Last Waltz

2010-08-30T08:41:00.001-07:00

No crying, no mist

Just The Band and friends Playing

The hangover

2010-08-29T09:36:00.001-07:00

Saturday morning, Thorn the mechanic rolled over with a hell of a headache.

Thought out loud,

Damn too much to drink last night, such a headache

and

My right shoulder hurts

What happened there

Then it started coming back to him

He’s under an Impala, dropping the transmission

Across the floor he catches movement

Is that a creeper, maybe a grocery bag

Something brown

Moments slip by and he focuses

Damn, it’s a snake, a sidewinder

How’d that get in here?

Thorn moves to slip from under the Impala

Too late, the sonofabitch bit me, right through the coveralls

He jumps up and quicksteps it to the office

Hey E.J., goddam snake bit me on the shoulder

Bullshit Thorn, how could that happen?

I was on my back on a creeper and it just slipped up

Let me see Thorn…

No kidding, it is a bite, what was it

A sidewinder, Thorn exclaimed, and I don’t feel that good

E.J grabs him by the arm and says,

Let’s get ya to the hospital

Won’t kill ya

But

You’re gonna feel like shit in the morning

And

Get rid of that chewing tobacco before you get in my car

Create Your Own Tile

2010-08-28T17:57:00.001-07:00

Pictures

We don't gotta show you no goddamn pictures

Oh;

Here's one

Little boy in ledderhosen trying to get them done whilst viewing internet porn

Need he say more?

Or

Woman trying to stuff prayers written on grocery baggs in the wailing wall

Just slap me

Teehee

Cmon now, really

2010-08-27T12:33:00.001-07:00

This is a retread from last summer

Take This Back, in a pigs eye...

2010-08-26T13:06:00.001-07:00

I wrestled with this one for hours

When I was a hormonal, angry, misled, poorly raised teen

I caused my mother no end of consternation

Sometimes I’d like to take that back

But

She was pregnant 16 times, 14 made it to birth, 12 made it to their first B-day

Like the lady and the snake, she musta known what I was when she took me in

What would I take back

Nothing absolutely nothing

I’m just human

A monkey with a drivers license

Everything I’ve done and had done to me has brought me to the exact place I stand

Just as there is something good in every human [Oh you doubters]

Eventually there is something good in every action or group of actions

I've a notion

2010-08-25T09:05:00.001-07:00

But my battery is wearing down

Down to about 8.5 volts

Let’s see

When I was a little kid, my mother dressed me really funny* and took me to church

Well we did learn about how much God loved us and all

However, if ya didn’t love him with all you faculties forever…

You weren’t getting No heaven

By the time I turned 16 and had been turned down for sex a few times because I hadn’t professed enough devotion….

I figured out that God must be a teen age girl

Or

The god they were trying to teach me…

Was made up during some sort of drug or starvation festival

I’ve been alive 70 years.

I’ve not met, read, heard from anyone intelligent enough to perceive the extent of the universe

Much less

GOD

What ever it is

My ancestors have a name for it…

The name is the “holy mystery”

Wakan Tanka

Any and all religions are and were invented to ease the notion of death

And

Corral people into doing stuff that don’t come natural

So there

*sport coat tie and shorts with suspenders.

Y’know, Sunday go to meeting duds.

My story

2010-08-24T09:28:00.001-07:00

This isn't the book

But sometimes ya have to put a coin in the slot to get you fortune

Even if ya don't care

Disregard the above image

20 years back I met my newly wed brother in law

We'll cal him Lars

After they went home to Michigan

I received a letter and a book

The letter explained that He thought that I was one of the hard-heartedest people, he''d ever met.

The book was step by step litany of a trial lawyer making a case for Christ being my personal lord and savior.

Well by chapter 6 I, me was 6-shot pissed.

Tore the pages one by one

Made a papier mache Charlie Brown head and placed in the top of my workbench

Never mentioned it to him in the ensuing years

peace in the family, ya know.

What I'd Say to My 16-Year-Old Self

2010-08-23T19:26:00.001-07:00

What in the fuck were you thinking?

My Novelette's Plot

2010-08-22T10:00:00.001-07:00

Not being a novelist, this could be rude

Say for instance in the mind of people that took creative writing

But then, who else

The story of the travail of a guy from the ages 28-45

He has lived a life of fantasies of one type or another

Foremost is being able to recite lines from Mad Magazine from rote..

Secondarily he finds parallels in life to Woody woodpecker cartoons and funny books

With political guidance by Pogo Possum

Then at the age of 28 he finds out quite by accident that his ethnicity

And

Heritage have all been lies perpetrated on his life by his parents and relatives

He sets out in quest of the truth, with the mental vision of Woody Woodpeckers screw-ball thought balloon as his guidance

Our story starts at the Mustang Ranch outside of Sparks Nevada

Yadda, Yadda, Yadda

200 Words, HalfAssed

2010-08-21T08:38:00.001-07:00

My wife says I'm into overkill...

I overshot by two words

One day in 1952, I think it may have been Thursday, Yeh I’m pretty certain of that.

The kid was driving down river road in an easterly direction, mainly cause that was the only direction that river road went. No one knows why river road only went east, just that the farmers always came back another way. The road back had a bar on it named “Uncle Sonnies”. Farmers figured that if they went to the trouble of driving east that they owed themselves a reward for driving east. Uncle Sonnies was the reward.

Well as I was saying, the kid was driving his new CaddleForStationTruck. As he passed the covered bridge, which by the bye crossed over the river and took ya to Liberty Lake and the ranch of Mr. Tom Mix. Now Tom he had a secret decoder ring, which he got out of a box of Ralston’s multi grain cereal. No one cared about that ring but me and I’m just the writer.

Out of the bushes jumps a PuddyMonyOnster and starts consuming the fender from that CaddleForStationTruck. The kid jumps out and poured a case of beer over that PuddyMonyOnster. Ya might know, that took care of that.

Mix drinks, not mix breed

2010-08-20T07:52:00.001-07:00

Pit bull [To chase off or maim anyone that comes to the door to tell me about God]

Cat [Cats don't bark and take care of their own shit]

Bar tender [Why not, most bar tenders are strange animals, and can mix drinks without being house broken]

I'd Say

2010-08-19T10:04:00.001-07:00

SELF

Uncle Charlie has it right...

It's 90% bullshit

And

The rest is suspect

or

Just plain Fun

But

When I say duck, I'm not talking waterfowl, duck

Oh yeh...

2010-08-18T15:51:00.001-07:00

Ive avoided

Asking my teacher about the resolution of a minor cord progression in arpeggios

Because

I'm so needy in the music region of my life

Also I've avoided

Addressing the fact that I'm two bowls from being out of POT

Thanks Plinky for the wake up call...

Because

I'm such a Goddamn air head

Avoiding?

2010-08-18T07:53:00.001-07:00

Paying bills

Practicing

Getting dressed

Putting away the power tools before the first rain comes

Cleaning up my outdoor workbench before the first rain comes

Putting new belts on my truck

Cleaning up my office , so that my wife will stop calling it the "ICKY ROOM"

Watering the vegetable garden

IN my case

:P means Pro procrastinator

"Sonofabitch I knew it"

2010-08-17T08:09:00.001-07:00

I discovered through trial and error with my first three wives

Wives don't like "Hah I told you so"

Reprogrammed meself to leave that behind with #4

However:

In the roughly 606192 hours of my life, of which I've spent 99% inside of my head

During conversations with myself and weighing the pro's and cons of almost everything I could do, I've divined many of the possible outcomes of many of life's situations...

However:

I seldom if ever consider the consequence before an action

On a daily basis

I end up saying

"Sonofabitch I knew it"

Funniest Movie Ever is a bit of a stretch

2010-08-16T07:51:00.001-07:00

BUT

All of it...

If the answer isn't "All of it", it isn't that funny

The truth be known

Ding...

We've a four way tie here folks

Blazing saddle

Silver Streak

The Jerk

Something about Mary

The search engine go it wrrong again

2010-08-15T11:49:00.001-07:00

Never loved a book

However sometimes the author keeps me interested enough to keep me from discarding the book...

Soul catcher by Frank Herbert

When I was young

My uncle Charlie recognizing that my father should have taken up a different career from parenting, took me camping all the time.

All the time.

It was in the deep dark woods of upper left Washington state.

Making a Scene: Where I Live

2010-08-14T11:16:00.001-07:00

Gold mining town from the Gold Rush days

Company store mentality

Institutionalized poverty

The churches come up with goods during dry times to be certain the people that accept low wages , don't move away

When I moved here the newspaper published a weekly student athlete of the week

their scores not grades

The truly bright young people leave

The rest take low, low paying jobs or get pregnant

More churches percapita than a reservation

Not gods little acre

What's More Important

2010-08-13T11:18:00.001-07:00

Now then Gomer:

Didn'tcha ast a silly ol question!?

Saaay frinstance ya Jones for a sailboat bunking arrangment...

Pursuing that bull riding career ya been dreamin on since your fifth winter

I opines

Not gonna be the best idee

They all Got Away

2010-08-12T10:50:00.001-07:00

Between the ages of 10 and 15, I found that my mother was teaching me all household tasks...

I'm one of 12

I'm one of seven which are male

She was teaching me...

One day I asked her why not the other boys

Her answer:

You have a truly unlovable cantankerous nature son

No woman will ever put up with you long

They all got away:::

All the wives thought me exciting

Not a bad boy, just someone that never considered the outcome before doing whatever

Hint for women and girls:

{

Guys like me don't

Do laundry,

Vacuum,

Dishes,

Mow lawns,

Shop,

Water anything but the roadside weeds,

Shop pottery barn for furniture

}

Till we get old

And

Really

Tired of sleeping alone

The light goes on as the light of your life dims

My House

2010-08-11T09:53:00.001-07:00

Never dreamed, just happened

HOME

6 acres

Pines, cedars, oaks, deer, raccoons, coyotes, wild cats, bears, mice , bats

Work, lottsa lottsa work

Gosh all hemlock Cybil

2010-08-10T10:36:00.001-07:00

Absolutely PRO

Using it for punctuation that no one can ignore nor misconstrue

Some use cursing as a means of holding the room at bay...

Some Simply are unaware of the anyone else but themselves

As a mechanic for 30+ years, my left hand has been pounded mercilessly

and

The air has been filled with screeching profanity

Ooooo dat hurt ==>>doesn't get it

BUT as expressive punctuation

Take for instance

Some guy has raised my ire

Which is more profound

[You lousy gob of spit]

or

[cocksuckinbastard]

Have I expressed my disdain amply?

If I Woke up and found myself a book character

2010-08-09T09:27:00.001-07:00

If I need to write something

CLUELESS truly applies to you

An Axe Moment

2010-08-08T11:23:00.001-07:00

Will jerky supplant jumpy?

Mark please put the gun down

No worry, you're safe

Mark, life's not that bad

Yes it is

No no not really

Says you

Mark what's the problem now?

401k evaporated

Yeh so?

(the pregnant pause)

Can't afford bullets...

You asked

2010-08-07T11:54:00.001-07:00

No passage;

Just...

No thanks I been there

If you had

Ya

Woont have asked

If

Ya need me

I'll be down in the lower pasture

With

My Stratocaster

Playin

"A Day In The Life"

My Special Powder

2010-08-06T12:12:00.001-07:00

I would have a brain that worked

And

A swell personality...

Mr. Effective

Not funny, just sweet

2010-08-04T09:36:00.001-07:00

Yooka momma

Unka Arf gots a bald on his head

Translation

Look mom, Uncle Alf is bald...

Moved

2010-08-02T08:46:00.001-07:00

A number of Oprah moments

Even though it was wrapped around the million man march, it gave a nice emotional set of interpersonal situations

S the Letter S

2010-08-01T13:01:00.001-07:00

Shitforbrained & stupid !Same

Silly & Sappy=Same

Sometimes Sardonic sound != same

Sandy soap scrubs surface

||

Sandy soap scratches surfaces sufficiently same

What the phuque, I'm neither a poet nor lyricist

Suckit

"O" neighbor

2010-07-31T12:31:00.001-07:00

Neighbor neighbor

Who gots a neighbor

Remember the bible says love yer neighbor

When I gets to heaven

Gonna strip of me duds n

Jump all over them neighbors

Kept my marital vows

N Wuz faithful

Till death do us part

“O” neighbor

The Zazu Pitts syndrome

2010-07-30T11:26:00.001-07:00

Years ago in a galaxy far far away

I raced MotoCross for a living

The night before loading up to travel to a race at Diamond Missouri

I had this dream that I was sitting along side the track with thread and needle sewing up a flat rear tire

Went to Diamond

Didn’t blow a tire

Blew 3rd gear

And

The bottom out of the transmission case

Does that qualify?

Roll My Eyes!!

2010-07-29T08:21:00.001-07:00

http://www.plinky.com/answers/100016

Greasy Pete

2010-07-28T12:19:00.001-07:00

Greasy Pete;

3-4 lbs Spare ribs in a Dutch oven at 325 for 1.5 hrs covered

Then

Cover with 2 quarts Sour Kraut

And

1/2 - 3/4 cups dark brown sugar

Cook 1+1/2 hr longer same temp

No lie this special

Sounds like crap

Ain't

What ?

2010-07-27T09:39:00.001-07:00

What doesn't...

What keeps me up at night???

Hell

What keeps it up at night

Knowing the liquor stores don’t open till 05:30

Knowing that opium is still illegal

Knowing that few of the people that precipitated the downfall of the current economy won’t serve a single second.

To name a few

   Wal-Mart

   Chrysler

   General motors

   AIG

   Regan, Bush, Clinton, Bush

   Wall street in general

   ENRON

Knowing that churches are tax exempt

Woops, I think my store might have just opened

See Ya

Other considerations

2010-07-26T18:18:00.001-07:00

The person to decide this hasn't yet and will never be born

Such as

Yeh, but how about people that prey on the elderly

How about someone that hoodwinks you out of everything you ever worked for?

Isn't that taking your life?

How about politicians that start fake wars, take your sons and daughters

How about them

How about people that buy elections

How about them?

How about smooth talkin dudes that get young women pregnant and then scoot

How about them?

How about self centered people that drive like they are the only people on earth and wantonly end lives

How about them?

My Thoughts on the Vengeance Penalty

2010-07-26T10:39:00.001-07:00

I assume that what "tamahomejenkins" means is

Humans aren't bright enough to make this call...

Most humans can't even get toilet paper right...

Most humans can't get the implications of the universe right...

So how then are they to decide the death of another human...

I've been accused and gone on trial for deeds which I dint do...

The things that people said in court, couldn't have been more inaccurate....

Got off...

Whew...

I've Sat on two juries...

The discussion in the jury room...

Throw in a stripper and an accordion...

Ya got a real dog n pony show

All of those people needed an new battery of the proper voltage...

Vengeance, Vengeance I tell ya

Teen Me

2010-07-25T14:11:00.001-07:00

Zits

Unused condoms

Anger

Anger

Poorly made home brew

zits

Jail

Getting knocked unconscious repeatedly

Levis

Stolen cars

Pubic hair

Unseen tits

Wishing they weren't unseen

Getting knocked unconscious repeatedly

Begging for Memory

2010-07-25T00:36:00.001-07:00

The old saying “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” doesn’t work here.

Maybe the road to Petaluma…

Born in a hotel room in Idaho City

Birth certificate was later issued in Boise

The folks were on he road moving from Minnesota to Idaho and just didn’t quite make it to a city with a hospital.

That would explain my poor manners and overall cantankerous nature.

The old man had a habit of inserting mom into some, any community and the go and find work elsewhere.

This was one of those times.

War years...

My first memory is me sitting in a hole in a dirt front yard in Nampa Idaho.

I was two

Ma had left me off with my godparents for a few months.

The Browns

What's to say they got roped in

What in hell is Numero Uno?

2010-07-23T10:58:00.001-07:00

This best friend thing is sort of a touchy subject with me...

But

What isn't...

Over a period of years

My

Best friend always seemed to be someone that had a mirror taste for my sexual habits

Namely a taste for my wife

Haven't had an extramarital friend in 30 years

But

Oh woe is me...

The fly on the wall has a thought balloon

will this guy get it together before his heart stops?

Barring this and barring that

My current wife is my best friend

The plus here is she is welcome to have sex with herself

You asked, dintcha?

Pastor Sabrowski

2010-07-22T08:48:00.001-07:00

Back when my mom was sending me to church...

Back in the olden days...

Pastor Sabrowski would take ya into his office n tell ya about God n Jesus and all them myths...

Oh myth...

Anyway he said I could come to him with any question....

Well I did...

Came in and asked him why God let this happen...

I'll be walking down the hall, and there is this one girl{one class above me}

When I see her I get stiffer than a double shot of Everclear...

And

On a weekly basis you guys do your best to make me feel guilty about that shit...

Splain this punishment to me

Sabrowski: Oh I can't help you with that...

Right then and there I decided that my Sundays were better spent making home brew

My Question In Need of an intelligent Answer

2010-07-21T10:06:00.001-07:00

To hell with Honest

What is it in the human fear of the unknow that that allows us to

Validate the continued printed, vocalized, broadcast of all religious persuasions

Do we need to be controlled?

Do we need to be told daily, weekly, yearly that we are unable to figure stuff out for ourselves?

After life, are you kidding?

No dogs, no cats?

No flower gardens?

All of you ex Girl friends, boy friends, husbands, wives, bosses, lame lovers...

For a jillion billion years...

Oops that's more than one question

No single malt?

Give it up...

Not advice, Just a poem

2010-07-20T09:36:00.001-07:00

Kansas

Dust in the wind

Don't hang on

Nothing last forever but the earth and sky

All we are is dust in the wind

Could I Survive No Internet porn for a Whole Month?

2010-07-20T08:48:00.001-07:00

Like the say in Texas

Cows ass?

Well he said;

Now that I've gone over to the dark side

And

Do a majority of my bills on-line...

None of my creditors would feel as liberated as I

Modern freedom

Modern problems

And

What would he do for "tabs" and "lyrics"

He'd just have to pick up the acoustic and noodle aimlessly through

TaDah

Mismatched chord progressions

Not a Pet, Just a close friend

2010-07-19T08:26:00.001-07:00

My wife is a bit younger than me.

She is still employed at her normal job.

My peeve.

She has no built in concept of punctuality

Late to work by 20 minutes isn't a problem.

99 out of 100 work days.

And yet

Thinks that getting one year older is a valid reason to receive a raise.

Let's hear it from the crowd outside the studio...

as Harvey holds the microphone up to the first person

Should this husband

because he is petty

Be allowed

In the house this evening

Or

Should he rooting on the ground with the ants

And

Racoons

Challenges We Fight

2010-07-18T11:09:00.001-07:00

Fights he thought;

Should he tell about the ones that that ended amiably

Should he tell about the ones that were the last words

Fights, fights, fights

How about the one where his boss whom thought he was a genius

Ended in her saying "I'm so disappointed in you and your lack of humanity"

He decided to tell about the argument with himself as Should I have another beer or should I have another beer and a cigarette

As we fade out we see him at the fridge, hmmm pale ale or Chardonnay???

Real life arguments Fuck em...

AK Fuzz

2010-07-17T14:14:00.001-07:00

Ed n Felix;

Ed: It’s election year, let’s shoot something

Felix:: That’s way too easy, talk to the writer, he’s not usin any imagination

Ed: Let’s shoot the writer

Felix: still way too easy

Ed: Let’s go fishing; the sun hasn’t been down for two weeks and no cop work to do, everything is legal in AK

Felix: Where in the hell did you go to school; these are all half-wit ideas

Ed: No dynamite?

Felix: Got any beer?

Ed: No, I do have some of that Vodka from Palins’ front yard

Felix: C’mon, use your imagination

Ed: Don’t have one I’m a Christian

Felix: Well if that’s the best we can do and we’re out of chickens, sheep, and hookers, let’s head south and start us a reality show

Ed: What’ll we call it?

Felix: I don’t know, but what we won’t call it is Fox News

What would christ drive

2010-07-16T11:54:00.001-07:00

Blue Marble (Planet Earth)

The world is a better place

Shut up...

Just stop fuckin with it

I Might Own My Funeral

2010-07-15T09:21:00.001-07:00

Empty Room, Toilets

What in fact does one fly say to another?

No people showed up

Another

2010-07-14T16:38:00.001-07:00

“I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, violence or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.”

Hunter S Thompson

One of My Favorite Quotes

2010-07-14T09:56:00.001-07:00

First one that comes to mind

Pure knee jerk here...

"

Class isn't something you cab buy kid

Look at you

You're wearing a 1,000 dollar suit

And

You're still low life..."

Jerry Orbach

Advice I Failed to head

2010-07-13T09:04:00.001-07:00

Most of the time

My great failing

From my uncle Charlie, when I was 9

"Build yourself a foolproof bullshit filter"

90% of what comes out of the human brain is bullshit

It's not good to eat

It's not good to hear

It's not good to believe

It's not good to carry around in your pocket or purse

And

You sure don't want it in bed next to ya

Mom cringed whenever I spent a day or two with uncle Charlie

Any Day, Any Day, Any Day

2010-07-12T09:11:00.001-07:00

Hmmmmmmmm

The day I met my third wife...

Why

Cause I said so...

My Awk word

2010-07-11T16:51:00.001-07:00

Awkward, who said awkward?

Dr. Dees walks into the room

It’s finals day

He holds up 4 papers and shouts, “you four in the back are all flunked!!!”

”You didn’t even bother to change the variable names”

“Jeez, ya think ya could have at least changed the variable names”

“get out of here”

Thorn walked up to Dees and asked…

“What would my grade be if I didn’t write today’s paper?”

Dees replied

“B+”

Thorn replied

“That shouting made me feel like 5, 6, 7 maybe eight beers”

“Jesus, get some people skills over the summer”

“See ya next semester Doc”

His handdicap

2010-07-10T09:39:00.001-07:00

Hey buddy, you want something, or did you just call me down here to piss me off?

Through the haze which was all that was left of his consciousness, Thorn could see the bartender standing in front of him. Thorn had been lost in a dream about the time he was almost murdered with a claw hammer. His unfaithful wife had a new boyfriend. The guy was a member of a biker drug bunch. His wife Betty Sue had been gone for some days leaving Thorn to care for the kids and go to work at the local Chevy agency. Doing after hour detective work he had gotten a line where Betty Sue was staying. After getting a neighbor woman to watch the kids, he had a couple of shots, jumped in the Oldsmobile and driven over to the house to which he’d been directed the night before. Standing at the door he taunted the man at the door, knowing he was on even ground outside. Not getting anywhere with that he went home put the kids to bed and sat up and watched Jack Parr. The next morning Betty Sue returned home. She said what had transpired the night before had scared her. Inside the door on each side were two men with claw hammers waiting for Thorn to pass through the doorway.

Looking up through the haze , Thorn ordered another Glenlivett “Neet”

The Least Confusing Part Is...

2010-07-09T11:18:00.001-07:00

Is this actually part of life...

Or

Just part of the bargain?

Most of us, and I mean most of us are sent to school to learn

But

Not to think...

Got finished with my first semester of critical thinking

Went home and asked mom why none of what I'd been taught in church made sense...

She splained that God gave us free will to think as wee pleased...

I said but Mom YadaYadaYddda?????

But

Don't think that!

Week in an Opium den

2010-07-08T11:11:00.001-07:00

Old Time Arcade Moving Diorama: Opium Den (5)

Ya did say "Dream vacation" Dintcha?

My Life such as it is

2010-07-07T08:32:00.001-07:00

Well Flickr has no clue

So

Fundamentals of assembly programming

cover to cover 9 times

Advanced turbo "C"

cover to cover 10 times

Now doesn't that twist your crank....

6 years retired and still between music lessons and an occasional drunk I read a chapter of one or the other. I really loved machine level programming.

Peendleton CPO shirt

2010-07-06T11:30:00.001-07:00

My Pendleton woolen mills CPO shirt...

Dint loose it...

Some shit reached in through the cracked window on my pick-up and pinched it

They don't make em like that any more...

Jacket weight pendleton wool shirt...

They make some shirt for people that don't go out doors...

Probably in Malaysia, where it doesn't ever get cold...

Unlimited Bucks n brains

2010-07-04T18:01:00.001-07:00

I’ve rethought this one…

Due to the fact that the voting majority in the US are half-wits

Due to the fact that the voting majority in the US think that our ongoing wars are protecting us from some sort of external foe

Due to the fact that the voting majority in the US think that all moneys spent on law enforcement are correct

I’m not going there

This week-end I traveled on really trashed interstate highways

If I had untold bucks and resources

I’d develop traction devices to replace ”Tire chains” for all forms of motor transport.

Them goddamn tire chains cause untold billions in highway damage yearly…

Taxpayer bucks, taxpayer &%@?”%$#@ bucks…

There is an answer there…

We all pay that toll…

That’s where my unfettered power and resources are going…

The Last Time I Thanked Someone

2010-07-02T13:26:00.001-07:00

I take about twenty five loads of yard stuff to the dump, leaves needles, construct/destruction stuff...

My neighbors just burn it...

Like we don't have enough shit in the atmosphere....

(being kind here now)Fuckin cheap, lazy and ignorant as they are...

At the dump they have different levels of tariff for different size loads...

An hour ago:

The guy gave me the lower tariff...

The difference between $10.00 and $15.00

I thanked him...

Oops My Mistake

2010-07-01T08:19:00.001-07:00

Trying to do the "right" thing...

If I Had Unlimited Resources, I Would...

2010-06-30T09:33:00.001-07:00

TRUE: clean energy...

Pipe dream you say...

Yeh...probably...

Better solution...

Reduce the world population by 50%

Conserve resources...

Just cause it's there doesn't mean ya have to use it...

Remember the old adage...

Waste not,

want not

Possible - I Doo Doo

2010-06-29T10:16:00.001-07:00

Rome visit, June 2008 - 57

Thought marital infidelity was just a subject of movies and country music...

Duh...

Oops...

Really caught me off guard

My Job

2010-06-28T09:08:00.001-07:00

My job?

I guess it's the task of becoming a musician before my heart stops...

What's not to like?

In one way or another I've liked everything I've done...

Nothin's perfect though...

Every now and then you'll find a turd floating in your churn...