Political Correctness/Incivility
Stopped in my favorite bar on my way home from town
Was reminded of our un-civil attitudes
While it not PC to utter the word nigger
It is completely OK to spew the same hate, bile, and inhumanity with the word "Liberal"
As if the subject is sub-human
I asked the woman if she were a Christian
Replied Of Course!
Jap
Chink
WOP
Blanket ass Indian
Slope
Jew
KIKE
Need I say more
Just as Chicken Licken predicted, the sky didn't fall in
And
Nothing nor No one was instantly saved by Barack Obama, "YET"
Good question
Not being into knee jerk reactions, I'll work on this as the day goes on.
Make an effort
Why wouldn't they?
If they miss the point
Break out the good scotch and wine
If they miss the point
Break out the pinata
If they miss the point
Break out the bong
If they still miss the point
It's S&M time!!!!
After much thought
I've come to the conclusion that;
I've been
either
too lazy
or
too cheap
all my life
to go bargain hunting
Gifts, make it mean something, not what it cost
All else, Do I really need it, not what it cost
Single malt, Am I out, not what it cost
What is a shady liquor store?
Booze palace next to large oaks or poplars?
busy gas station ?
Would that be intestinal gas?
Combination Mexican and Italian?
I lived in a Zoo once.
It was called the San Anselmo Hotel
It was where Marin county warehoused all the Chemical shock cases
Most interesting group of humans I've ever met
sooner or later our friends family or society as a whole will dump us all in a cemetery
Living across the street from the cemetery will save gas
Liquor store across the street from the cemetery will help with grief or lack thereof.
I was on a road trip using a borrowed Gold Wing
Riding from Santa Rosa CA to Scottsdale AZ in July 81 or 82
Stopped at a roadside place about 40 miles below Boulder dam (gone now)
Had a couple of cold Pabst
Jumped back on and rode
Got to Kingman, another 70 miles
Stopped and filled the tank
Reached in the tank bag for the wallet
Hey what the *%@#*&%?, no wallet
Some guy saw me fretting and came over and paid for the gas (deed #1)
Zoomed back to the roadside
Asked after my wallet, nothing but blank faces
It was a half dozen mobile homes and a roadside flee market
Couple of hours pass while I try to figure how to scrape up the cash/gas to get home.
Finally decide to sell my 45mm camera.
Hearing my plight
The flee market guy scrounged 18 buck from all the poor locals (deed #2)
About then the market/bar owner comes out and asks me to describe my wallet
Hands it to me and says
Some poor old hermit that lives 30-40 miles up in the desert had come back with it (deed #3)
Opened the wallet, in the secret pocket all 800 of my road bucks are intact
Store owner tells me that that was more than the guys annual income
The guy had evaporated into the desert by now.
He had a tab at the store
I paid it
RePaid the flee market denizens, bought em a beer
Had one myself and Rode on
Decent day for humanity
How hungry are you?
How acute is your taste?
How educated is you palate?
How grown up have you become?
Food is food unless you are with dear friends!
Then it is an apt accompaniment to conversation and good company!
Else
Everything {everything}, anything will do...
Dontcha just know it
Aah Aah Aah Aaaah
A hard bound book of advice which each and everyone of us has gleaned from our personal life experience.
Need I say Ooooooooo.....
Gotta have it!
Re-gifting will be the reward
Would that be Jack (book-em-Danno) Lord
or
How about 10 lords a leaping on 8 tiny reindeer...
Here we are contemplating visions of sugar plums
and
Plinky
Replaces
It
With
Visions of beastiality.
Hrumph
Hrumph indeed
An honest man
What the hell, Diogenes couldn't find one 2000 years back.
This would keep my loadies goin all night
A good doctor
I had one and then she and her cohorts in medicine became a company.
Now company rules have a minutes per patient regimen.
Clean water
You try it!
A true path to enlightment
On their own
Without a book, DVD, religion, or Guru
Bail Bondsman
Bounty hunter
Television evangelist
Ambulance chaser
Politician in a sweaty linen suit
Judge
Masseuse
Vintner
Undertaker
Investment banker
Luthier (maker of stringed instruments)
Sour dough prospector
All around fun guy that people would pay to hang around
Stand up comedian
OK gang;
It's Friday
I just
Showered
Shampoo'd my 18" hair
Broke out my "Thiers-Issard Eagle Brand" French straight razor
Stropped on my Russian strop
Lathered up with "Laccitane CADE"
Shaved
Brushed the teeth
Viola
My wife can take me out in public
Wow Plinky
Ya sure wandered onto my property on this one.
The human animal spent 10 million years developing systems to protect itself.
Then the human animal took ten generations to effectively tear them down.
Humans have an above average olfactory system, but can’t stand what they smell
Humans have decent visual systems and can’t stand most of what they see.
Humans have decent audio systems but can’t stand most of what they hear.
Hair can protect itself
Skin just needs clean water, not soap and deodorant
Clean water, clean water
If ya left your scent alone………..
Hmmm…
Oh well not preaching to the choir here, they went home generations back…
What part of our lives isn’t artificial?
Here I am standing on a soapbox railing against soap
Anyone her question my sanity?
Cinnamon
Raisins
Butter
Dark Brown sugar
Sweet yeast dough baking
The scent of 5:45 Sunday morning
What?
What?
Know
I no know
Can you
I can't, can you?
We
We doan godda show you no stinkin badjes
You talkin to me?
NO
Twice
I told you twice now, NO
We both know the answer to that, don't we
Usually when asked a question such as this
The anal side of my underdeveloped personality goes strait to
A yellow legal pad
I divide it into 10 columns so as to have room for all the possibilities
Oh, and they are numerous…
NOT
NOT
I get out my silent metronome
Set it at 4/4
55 beats per minute
Plug in my green Stratocaster and a set of head phones
Set the timer for 1 hour
Start playing
If
That doesn’t work
I turn on the TV and plug in a set of headphones.
If TV doesn’t put me to sleep, I’m in trouble
If it’s past 03:00, I just open a bottle of Hess Chardonnay
or
Two
Can’t sleep; BUZZZ
Does it matter?
About half way through town
On Hwy 199
East side of the road
Plywood place
Plain, plain, plain
They serve up breakfast for loggers.
You better be hungry
I’d say 2500 calories hungry
75%+ of the patrons were wearing shirts emblazoned with
“If you ain’t a logger, you ain’t shit”
I rode the rest of the way to Tacoma full
About 500+ miles
Well ain’t this a bag of tricks
Honey do these pants make my ass look big?
Any given moment a bad guy is good to have
When your good, ya look bad and Vicey Versey.
Ain’t no way of knowin whats to know
Ain’t no way, why’d ya care
Cole Porter probably said it best
“Anything goes”
I used to be into proving myself, to myself
December 16 1983 I wrapped my Quallofill bag, my dome tent, all things backpack camping.
Strapped them to the sissy bar of my bike, and headed out.
Rode up to Mt lassen.
Stopped in a bar {the only bar} in a little place name Mineral.
Put down a couple.
Rode another 20-25 miles, pulled off at a wide spot.
Taped a note to the tank saying, “if this bike is still here Dec 22, I’m in trouble”
Put my backpack together, strapped on my homemade snowshoes and traipsed north
Gorgeous snow, more gorgeous silence, even more sparkle.
Day three I came back to my camp and found the tub of my tent full of water.
The sun had come out full, the tent was closed and became a solar collector.
Melted the snow beneath, filled the tub.
Thought it out.
I could abandon my trip…or… I could find out whether Quallofill really works when wet.
Went with the latter.
Emptied the tent,
luckily I’d hung a mesh bag from the ridge pole with my socks and undies
wrung out the bag on a sapling
Made dinner.
Stripped naked, had a couple of gulps of single malt
Climbed in the bag, it warmed
I slept the night in relative comfort.
Quallofill worked
Hung the bag the next day, dried nice in the sun
Does anyone here question my sanity?
What’s there to say?
Pour a glass of wine or beer and go sit in the yard
And
Watch a ruby throated humming bird.
One of the most amazing animals on earth…
So there…
Power was out
Went to start the generator
All the gas was gone
The fuel line bung was rotted away
Went to three different saw shops in town, NYET
Went to Pearson's
Kid at the counter said “We can get one up here by Wednesday”
I almost made it to the door and the owner came running up behind me
He said
Go down the street to Riebe’s auto parts
Ask for a smog valve grommet for a small block Chevy
It’ll fit, it’s made of neoprene, last ten years
He coulda just left me waddle of to wait till hump-day
Dint
Thought of the person before business
1988 I went in for a little corrective surgery
Went BAD
Took 5 years to overcome.
Those 5, I spent at Sierra college in Computer science(quite by accident)
All my life I’d considered myself quite a dullard.
The first year at school I didn’t raise my hand or do anything which would bring me attention.
I was an old dumb guy, amongst young vital people and proffesional people upgrading.
Bought a home computer and over the next 4 years beat it within an inch of it’s life.
First year Cs, Ds, D-
Final year As, 4s
When I took my first hire and pay check
I was 53
I went back to the college and thanked each and every
professor
guide
teacher
whatever
college educators don’t necessarily like the “professor” handle
I was now a well educate dullard.
Cha Chinnng
Except you beneath the Southern Cross
While I have no wish for it to be any time other than now
I have an undying distaste for winter
All the profanity I can muster won’t cover it
It’s 21 degrees
It snowed 18” overnight
The thermocouple on the furnace went out
I’ll have to shovel 254 feet out to the road so I can go get another
Winter and I are a coupling that even Gloria Alread can’t dissolve
I need a hot steamy affair with Sister summer
And yet here I am in bed with old man WINTER
The Gang
Dorky
Dresses in 1500 dollar suits, but is still low life
Drifty
Mostly maintains a large stable of bongs
Mr suave
Even the women that love a bad boy, love this guy
The Nerd
Knows everything, got glasses held together with tape
Absolutely irreplaceable
Banana Hammock
Got speedos, thinks he’s waking Snow White’s inner hooker
Diamond Jim
Cash flow baby, cash flow
Runner
A Don Knotts sort of character, ready to duck or split in a moment
Creepy rubber baby with artificial birthing pelvis, Hackney, London, UK 2.JPG
The Prenatal
Hopefully persons acquiring this style will regress intellectually and emotionally to a time before all learning
A time before the lies {first or second Hand*} and hang-ups supplied by
Parents
Preachers
Teachers
Friends
Politicians
Cops
Dea
Madd
Republicrats
Democans
TV
Oh yeah “Madison Avenue”
*Lies passed by people mistakenly thinking they are the truth
Via Southwest Airlines
Moved to Scottsdale in 1993
Interviewed around the Phoenix area for a year
My appearance and demeanor was a bit to ragged for the Arizotans*
Some one in Sac heard of me from someone who had never met me.
Interviewed
The project was a one year project
It was November 10, they were in trouble
Got the job
Hate flying
Loved the paycheck
I’m such a phuquin hippo-crit
But hey, like the lady and the snake, ya knew about me when ya took me in.
*at least half of the people in Arizona are from Minnesota
Happiness is an elusive and universally misunderstood concept
I’ve known
Elation
Contentment
Patience
Sorrow
Anger
Pain
First marriage
First child
First job
First win racing
First joint
First car
First cigarette
First piece of ass
First beer
First $10,000 pay check
BUT
Between the ending of my third marriage and meeting my current wife
I quite by accident took time out to
shed my parents,
shed my upbringing,
shed all worthless knowledge,
shed the “have to” concept,
shed preconceived notions of life.
I shed a lot!
For better or worse I became me
American Politicians
I just can't remember jokes
When I do
I can't deliver them
People don't laugh
And yet
I find most everything humorous in it's own way
I can make myself laugh
but why is this funny?
Like the graffiti over a urinal in Reno
"Why are you looking up here the jokes in your hand"
Jokes are #45 on my list of short comings
Rob Bonner
My music teacher
If it were a music question
Moe
If the question concerned
An educated yet slanted paradigm
or
individually relentless pursuits
mandarin01
Seems to have a more positive outlook than I
When tracking down a a million confidence can't hurt
sides
We might be blood cousins
Oh yeh, my wife
Never never never never never never exclude you wife
A happy wife is a happy life
The gang from Stratocastertalk forum
If it has to do with guitars, amps, pedals, pickups etc
collectively Those gents seem to know it all
newborn fawn just 2 minutes after birth
Well we know I've a bit of the geezer memory thing going, so here my beauty
Our house sits on 6 acres at 3000 feet in the sierra Foothills.
There are 5 game trails crisscrossing it.
One morning in June I was daydreaming out the kitchen window and noticed movement.
Just a twitch of leaves in the brush.
I grabbed a pair of field glasses and focused in on it.
There was a still glossy fawn trying to stand.
Next to him/her was the doe laying down working at getting the next one out.
The task took maybe 5 more minutes.
He/she, the next fawn stood;
Mom groomed both for 6-7 minutes and they wobbled/boinged off.
New fawns have no control over their movement, so instead of walking or running they boing about aimlessly.
With the exception of musical stuff 99% of my discretionary
and
non discretionary resource has gone into our little 6 acres.
10 years and counting
Home is all there is any longer
Oh Boohoo is me
Garcon wine over here please
Next question...
Rather than awkward, it proved what an absolute shit I could be.
May something 1972
My little brother the true NERD was getting married in a genuine catholic church wedding
With the reception in the basement
With every age relative.
The evening rolled on.
For some reason the brides’ little(12 year old) brother started feeding me shots.
I certainly didn’t protest
At some point myself and another brother in law came upon one another in the stairwell.
I was still in my infancy*, which would explain why I always took a squirt gun to weddings.
Squirted my brother in law
He took umbrage
Said “Gonna kick your ass”
I replied “If ya live a hundred years you still won’t be man enough”
His face turned gray and he walked away.
Twenty years after that incident, even though he and my sister had divorced
She told me she’d never forgive
Man full of himself acting badly
* I was 31
All the root vegtables
It's a harvest celebration.
Our root cellar was full.
As a kid I liked to go into the root cellar and just sit.
The smells of harvest past
It was always the same temp
We stored the butter churn in there, ya can smell the buttermilk coming out of the wood.
Corn relish
September every year, when not homeless or drunk, I can 24 pint jars of corn relish
Chutneys
Ya gotta ask?
Squash pie
So rich, so creamy, so down home
Eagle brand milk is the secret ingredient
10 times the flavor of pumpkin pie, especially if you bake and render the squash the same day.
Topped with home churned french vanilla ice cream.
Oh crap, it's 9:44 and dinner isn't till 6:00
Bye
This is going to be difficult.
It's an old witticism
"Today started out wonderfully, but hide and watch, someone will screw it up"
My wife isn't a happy "wake up and skip off to work" person
06:46 Grrrrrrr....
So what?...
Let's see...
The gout in my right knee is easing up
Thas good
I got the garbage and recycling down to the road before the truck arrived...
Thas good
A friend pointed me to two soulful songs I've never heard
Thas great
All of the credit card companies informed me they were raising my rates substantially and if I don't like it "suck on it"
Thas not good
Despite my air-head carelessness, I have ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, two lips, a heart, a tongue, arms, legs, a butt, a weenie and a colon and they all work
Thas good
I've a 45 year old son{my baby boy} been calling me and screwing with my sense of serenity...
Thas good
My pot ran out
Thas not good
I'm down to one pack of Luckies a year
Thas good
Being thankful implies there is someone other than I responsible for my good or bad fortunes.
That would be the tens of thousands of millions of people which came before me and set up all of the possible circumstances and such.
Oh and the earth, moon stars and space in between...
To the casual observer, one might think I''m on a grump
But
To quote "Monty Python's" Michael Palin as the were hauling him out to the death wagon...
I'm getting better, I can feel it.
The dreamy part
Mounds of meat
Lots and lots of melted cheese
Pasta with varying goop
Chicken in some sort of dark red-brown sauce with fat floating
Fresh bakery delights with all the butter in Reno
The sane Part
Soup line
Large well stocked salad bar
Prepared fruit gondola
Then
Down to the 94% return casino floor for my wife
For me...
Across the street to the ubiquitous pawn shops.
The residue of peoples lives in their never ending pursuit of "El Dorado" and or the pot of GOLD.
Window shopping for musical instruments, amplifiers and power tools.
Yesterday a.m. a very small flock(6) wild turkeys wandered in front of our breakfast table window.
No shit 6 wild turkeys.
I've no idea what this has to do with a face off.
I'm sure the French, Greek or Chinese have some sage utterance concerning face-offs.
Pigs are pigs no matter whether, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Nascar, Indy-Racing, Football fan, Baseball fan, Man, Woman, Boy, Girl, Straight, Gay, Caucasian, African, Oriental or just plain Swine(http://www.thepigsite.com/info/swinebreeds.php).
You might say to yourself "Where's this old jerk-off going with this ramble."
Ben Franklin thought and said that Turkeys were more intelligent and courageous than the Bald eagle, and thus should be the national bird.
Anyone here ever seen a wild bore?
Nasty messy viscous, tasty animal.
Perfect scenario
Sneak upon the pig turkey confrontation, if this turkey is too stupid to take off, he/she is probably dead and feathers already removed by the fray.
Shoot the pig and put him/her in a pit and roast for 3 days. meanwhile stuff the turkey with a duck stuffed with a chicken.
Pit roasted swine and Turducken.
Happy Thanksgiving
Motocross
Easily if not more grueling than marathon or European football(soccer).
I think the world is ready for it.
I.O.C. would have to choose brand and size.
One brand one size to level the playing field.
Oh and make it old style(40 minutes + 2 laps)X2
